No, my website was not hacked by a crafty prankster that wanted to take revenge for my hacking of their Facebook. I have wondered this question many times in my life. Am I the person who I think I know.
Recently, I had someone tell me that they knew the true me, and they are glad that they are not associated with me anymore. Who is the true me? I thought I knew that. Today, my mind races more than before of who am I? I have been greatly derailed by the devil from my bout of hatred that I feel like I have significantly changed since 2 years ago. I fear that people have seen a new me that I do not want. I fear that my former campus minister has lost respect for me, and I drove him further away with my action. I am afraid people think of me as very crass and unpleasant to be around.
Who was this true me that I never knew about? I acknowledge that I have temptations that are strong in my head. I constantly am pummeled with temptations to satisfy the flesh, and I resist as best as I can, or at least I make myself believe that. I pray to God hoping that I can glorify him and be humbled back to having great faith. Or do I? I pray for strength to fight my sin. But do I really?
Who am I? My friends have acknowledge me as a good person with a passion to want to glorify God. Are they just being nice to me? My best friend has always supported me, and I hope that I am a good enough friend that he calls me his best friend. People have told me that I am not a bad person, but many days I wonder if I am. I consider myself an open book. I am not private. I will tell you my struggles and be vulnerable to you, but somethings I have kept to myself, or a few people. Do those people know a different Tony than me? I have many times let the flesh win, and then I feel bad afterward. Am I really feeling bad, or is that the routine that I put on to try and fool the man upstairs?
I do not have an answer to this question. I might not know who I am. Who is the true Tony?