Where do I begin again? I have not blogged in a while, but that does not mean that I have nothing to say. I have at least 3 posts that I have heavily thought about. They include the nature of true love, parasitic sins (and the hope to overcome them), and other stuff that I just recently thought about (doing 300 push-ups for 30 days, my new tattoos and tattoo ideas, finding genuine Christian relationships in the “world,” and biblical interpretations and how I recommend you look at the bible like). Not much really. I have to add those last things because I forgot the other really big idea I had. But today is one of those pre-valentines day nights, and I can feel it.
Why does it matter? I have dated a few girls since I broke up with my last ex, but it does not feel sufficient. I continue to feel upset. Now why in the world have I thought about things like this? Because of a song by 21 pilots. You probably have heard it, its Stressed Out, and it was super popular for a few weeks or months. Anyways, this song came up on my playlist and it has come up many times in the past, but I never was in the mood to connect it to my life. I understood the lyrics, but I could relate, but today has been the deepest it has hit me. After that song, Brad Paisley’s song She’s Everything was next. That was another thing that triggered my pre-valentines mood. For the majority of my dating life, I have always had valentines day with a date or a prospective significant other. Only a few years within that time would I not have a date or a prospect. So I sometimes get sad coming up to this date single.
My birthday happens to strike just days before Valentines Day, so early on in my life, I had money to spend for a special someone. Birthday money is pretty cool because you can spend it on anything you want, but for me, I wanted to spend it toward someone else. I wanted to give the hopeful girl of my dreams the best valentines day ever. Something that would be quantifiable with money. I was quite dumb as a child. I wish I had saved that money in some other way, or bought something for myself. Maybe some supplements or something that would have helped me tap into my inner genetic beast. Or even keep it until I could invest in a no-commission broker that I currently do right now. I would have some pretty nice stocks by now because at that age, I new about the markets. My predictions at the time were pretty good and would have led me to have a pretty penny to show off. Some of the companies would have tripled, some splits, and a pretty nice looking account to look at with my phone apps. Unfortunately, I do not have the money anymore, but I still have the awesome market intuition. Great intuition does not help much if you do not have the money to invest into those golden stocks….. Oh well.
Dating, relationships, and the opposite sex has always been a very large part of my life. At an early age I knew I liked girls, and did not care about the guys that would make fun of me because I would interact with the girls that had “cooties.” Forget them, girls are great. I was not very good at talking to them though. Or how to attract any of them. I did what every good millennial with internet access would do: I went to the internet and researched!
I have an addictive personality. No, that does not mean that people get addicted to being around me. That would be cool. It means that I have tendencies to have tons of passion for something and almost become addicted to it. It makes sense because my family is riddled with alcoholism on both sides of the family. Addiction predisposition is in the genes. None of my addictions have been harmful though. They usually last only for a couple of weeks or months. With women research, this became a life long addiction. I started around 8 years old, but I did not find progress or reliable information until I was around 7th or 8th grade.In 7th grade I met a girl that gave me my first “real” kiss. I kissed a few girls before this time. My parents say that girls would chase me trying to kiss me and I would be afraid of my powers! But a “real” kiss is more than a peck in my definition. This girl I met went further than my initial peck. She was two years older than me, and I had to get in on this. Well, she told me I sucked at kissing… Dang. She gave me a few pointers, mainly just me opening my mouth more. Then that greatly improved my kissing. The next girl told me I was a good kisser, but she taught me something I had to add, passion. When she would kiss me, it seemed like we were just about to die and this will be the last time we kiss each other. It was like Krakatoa exploded a few miles away from us and a huge cloud of searing ash was speeding toward us. She taught me to make every kiss like it was my last. It added that urgency, and I liked it.
Now I was pretty good at kissing by now, but then I met another girl. When she kissed me, she did not just have the urgency, but she put her whole body into it. She held me, caressed my hair, made her body close to mine, and honestly would not be in the same exact position as before. She would move her body with the kiss. I added that. Was my research over? Nope, I also liked to watch a show called Scrubs, and learned about tilting my head left because most people would go right. It was a way to separate me from the crowd. That had positive effects. After reading a few books about dating, and researching the psychology and studies in this area, I also learned about becoming a catch instead of being the pursuer. So that led me to be a person that would pull my head back every once in a while to make them chase over me. This investment of effort, even though it was a small investment, was positive. Investment brings with it justification. It is like buyer’s remorse or something. You buy an expensive car that you initially do not love, but because you bought it, now you justify how much you love it. These books also taught me how to initiate the Frenching without me just suddenly shoving my tongue down the throat. My last girlfriend taught me about incorporating a factor that I was not very sure about. It was pain. She liked the lip bite, and suck. At one point her lower lip was actually bruised evenly that it seemed like she wore some kind of darker product on her lip. Good times!
You all must be tired of me talking about the evolution of my perfect kiss. So I’ll continue a bit. Honestly, I might be gloating and that is wrong.
Relationships and physical attraction – the two things that I have been interested for a while. I read two books that agreed with a large portion of my 8th and 9th grade research. It summed it up pretty well, and it basically said, a man needs to be a man. They need to be alpha. They are unmovable rocks are are very sure of themselves. I learned from some movies tips and then compiled the data. Then I took out the data that did not match or would conflict. I considered each tip before discarding. By the way, Ryan Gosling’s character in “Crazy, Stupid, Love” is pretty good and consistent with psychological research. His persistence in the Notebook, especially when he was trying to win her over around the carnival is pretty good. After this part of the movie, you can disregard what he does. It gets too hollywood/disney/fantasy style in love movies. The books that are really good that agrees with my previous research and has today shown me the errors of my ways are “The System” by Doc Love and “How to be a 3% Man” by Cory Wayne. I definitely recommend these two books. The latter is actually influenced by the former, but he goes a bit further to incorporate a more alpha man. If you want to keep researching, I recommend going to Psychology today and looking at some articles, but take them just like other research and consider their constraints and possible confounding factors. If you want to get even more research to where you know that what you are looking at is accurate, I would invest in a library that has subscriptions to many different scientific peer reviewed journals in psychology. I have access to a large amount of journals since I am enrolled in the University in my town. It has helped me go further than the movies, books, and life experiences.
This addiction to relationships as you know did not end since I am currently still in college and have access to the studies. Actually, my whole undergrad has been too focus on the effects of intimate relationships and physical attractiveness. I changed to psychology for that reason, and I have researched the effects of perceived physical attractiveness in politics. I have 15 page paper that I also recommend people. It is one of my golden brain children as far as research and literary work. It makes me so proud. The other brain child is about political conservativism can be influenced by the level of cognitive effort that is output. It is also a 15 page paper that is beautiful. Highly recommend both. But yeah, my almost 4 years of college has been highly focused on one thing. Has it helped me get all the women? It has helped me do so much better in getting women that I want. Each time more attractive! But knowing the research does not help if you do not have the courage to use it. It is like the investment without money deal.
Why does all of this matter? What was I talking about? Actually, not sure, but I did look back at my previous writing. Excuse my tangents.
This pre-valentines mood has me beat. I love to be loved. I love to love. And I love the season of love. Honestly, much of this post if I kept going would actually incorporate my new definition of what love is. The nature of actually True Love. Not the kind you grew up watching on Disney, or those cartoon movies. No, it is actually, realistic true love. It is something that has eluded me for years. No amount of research in journals would have helped me get closer. Instead, the answer to what is true love was found in the only universal truth. The speed of light may be the constant as C (300,000 km/s), but even then only one thing can change all of that and redefine all laws of nature. That is God. His word is the absolute truth, and finding True Love was found in his Word.
Before learning about true love from the bible, I thought that I had loved some of the girls that I dated before me. It was not a feeling that was quantifiable by time in relationship or the amount of money I spend. When I found out about true love just a few months ago, I realized that in my life, I have only loved one woman. That gave me comfort for some reason. And this is were I will leave on this post. The Nature of True Love will be another post that I will be hopefully writing pretty soon. It took me almost 21 years to find out what true love was. And it took me losing the only woman I loved to come to this realization. Peace dawgs.